I think Humans have this bad habit of wearing blinders in life.
We can only see 2 options and we convince ourselves that only one of two things can happen...
or...
We only see what is happening right now and we forget that everything has to come to an end eventually.
Because of these bad habits we get impatient or we become petrified with fear and we forget that there is a very large story unfolding.
We forget that we are each apart of the story, and we are each a piece in other peoples stories.
It's a constant mess of yarn spinning and getting tangled.
Sometimes our stories are supposed to intertwine sometimes maybe not, what ever happens it just does.
But there is a giant plan, a big picture, a huge story.
And we're each apart of it.
But we have bad habits, that make us transfixed on one part of the story and not the big picture.
Take the story of Jesus.
He was born.
He preformed miracle after miracle.
Loved countless unlovable people.
There was a plan.
A plan in which he died.
And for some reason, we stop here.
We get consumed with guilt that Jesus died on the cross for our sins.
We get consumed with gratefulness for his sacrifice. (As we should be.)
But that's where the story ends for a lot of us.
A cycle of living in sin and shame and guilt, because he died on the cross so we shouldn't live in the mess of sin, and we are undeserving of his gift, and we call ourselves every mean name in the book because we don't deserve this free gift.
How could we screw up after all he's done for us?
We put ourselves through our own personal hell because we are human and forget that the story doesn't end at the Cross.
See if that's how God wanted us to live our lives.
He would have ended the whole story there on the Cross.
He would have said, your debt is paid go on your way.
Spend your whole life trying to make it up to me.
But he didn't.
The end of the story looks like the Creator of the universe in human form, coming back to life.
Because not even the ultimate sign of our sin could hold him.
Death has no hold us.
Our Creator lives, yet we still live in mourning of his death.
We put our worth and our value in other things.
And God tells me "Wait! You're story is being told!"
But I am impatient. "But I am alone!"
And God tells me "I have this promise for you."
But I don't believe it. "How could there be something better for me? Look at me!!"
And I throw myself at the things this world has to offer, things that's story only leads to death.
And I put my worth in the opinions of people, who's affirmations only lasts a fleeting day.
And I dig into this world searching for love from every meaningless thing this world has to offer.
And I dig and I dig, only to find that those stories end in death too.
But God! I just am tired of waiting for you!
No buts....
God I just want this to happen.
No justs....
There is a story.
I want you to live Kayla.
Fully.
The story doesn't end at the Cross!
Jesus didn't die so you could live at the foot of it.
He died so you could crawl to the foot of the cross and then stand on the promise of his empty grave.
He died so you could live every moment completely and fully.
He died so that your cheap finds and quick fixes didn't consume your life.
He died so that HE could heal the part of you that is a whore.
I am a whore.
A whore seeks out ways to get their needs fed in exchange for the only thing they have.
A whore seeks fulfillment in life where they can not receive it long term.
I seek fulfillment in the things of this earth that are fleeting.
I seek fulfillment in the things that ease the pain for a second.
I seek fulfillment in the things that tell me they love me for a moment, and then leave me.
I seek fulfillment in quick fixes.
I pretend that homework and basic household chores are not worthy of my time, when God has asked me to live EVERY moment to it's fullest, especially the small things.
I pretend that everything is fine, and underneath I am dying on the inside.
We have convinced ourselves that God is a disappointed Father looking down on us punishing us.
Telling us NO!
We have shared a God to the world that doesn't truly want people the way they are.
Because we put so much weight on the Cross, and our admittance in to heaven, and not nearly enough weight on the empty grave that provides us with promises for a full life here on earth with Jesus.
The Cross says you have sinned, and it has been paid for.
The Grave says sin is gone.
We need both.
But we can not live at the Cross.
It's who Jesus is.
Anything and anyone can die.
But Jesus is ALIVE.
And he makes us alive.
And he wants me to live my life fully.
Receiving fulfillment through THE only long term solution.
I live my life like Christ is still dead.
Ashamed of who I am and what I have become, feeling no hope.
I self sabotage, because I fear I can not do anything because of my past.
I self deprecate, because I don't deserve to feel good about myself.
I feel ashamed of my sin.
I feel like a whore.
The Creator, who is alive, makes me whole.
My life and My story isn't about me.
My decisions don't even carry a weight heavy enough to truly make me fail so big that suddenly I would not be deserving of God's love for me, or that my story would not reach it's full potential.
Because my story does not end at the Cross.
My story ends at an empty grave.
A grave that does not have quick fixes and short term solutions.
I am free because of the Cross.
I am alive because of the Grave.
