This blog has been a long time coming.
I didn't know how to say how I felt.
And then...
I didn't finish at NJC the way I wanted to.
And it kind of broke my heart.
I love music and I love singing.
And instead of show casing my love for it....
...I wanted things to be great and big and fan fair like.
...and more important than they were.
....I sought the outcome instead of the steps and growth it took to get there.
And on top of all that I forgot to invite Jesus there.
Don't get me wrong...
I know he was there.
But I forgot to breathe in those moments of frustration or hurt or joy or pain and say
"Jesus. teach me."
I wanted the big moment of success.
I wanted the victory with out any of the sacrifice and pain.
The Glory with out any of the fight.
And I wasted precious life...looking for something that can only exist when you look for Jesus.
Time is fleeting friends.
that clock is ticking
and with every breath if you are not breathing
in the life that Jesus is
the moment that is now than you are MISSING
everything that GOD has for you.
I get so caught up in the end game.
I get so anxious about what is next that I forget to live in the moment and I don't remember my friends until they are gone.
What is my life unless there are people there to love?
I forget that being Christian has nothing to do with how many times you pray...or how many times you go to church....or how much solid biblical advice you give out....
Being a Christian is living this life that was given to you
one moment at a time
one breath
one step
one blink
at a time.
I am so wrapped up in all these petty details of travel and paper work and schedules and homework and where to live and what classes and how I am going to get there....
and I forgot that Jesus just wants me to remember he is there for a reason and a purpose and he just wants me to say
"yes Lord that anxiety is yours."
As I cry thinking about every moment I have wasted being worried or tired I get scared.
I just want to live a life that is full of love.
I just want the people around me to feel love.
But....I can't stop my own head.
Cast your cares upon him for he cares for you.
You've got this, right Jesus?
Cause I don't.
I am not qualified or prepared for any of this.
And I want to enjoy it.
Even when it sucks.
I get so angry.
I get so broken hearted.
So frustrated.
So depressed.
So stressed.
So worked up.
I just forget that Jesus just wants us to love him and his people.
That's it.
If you are a Christian...
I don't care about your stupid opinions on bathrooms.
I don't care about who you think deserves to be president.
I don't care about your talents and how well you do them.
Have we invited Jesus there?
I sure didn't.
I missed out.
Granted, even though I missed out on the experience, I know God used me to love people.
But I missed out.
There was so much fun and growth and learning and joy that was to be had and I looked at it as a chore.
Love Jesus Love his people.
The rest falls into place.
That is my goal for the summer.
Live in the joy of the moment.
Seek out what Jesus has in store for me.
If you read this and love Jesus please be praying for me.
I need a heart reconstruction and a new humility.
I need Jesus.
To those people who are not Christians and get caught up in my brothers and sisters and especially I's desires to be great and the best Christians ever.
I beg your forgivness.
Our desire is innocent and genuine, perhaps unattainable and unrealistic, but thank you for the grace that we are supposed to be extending to you.
Please be patient with us, we are but students...even our leaders.
As always, you are loved with the deepest of passions. You are valued more than you will ever know. And you are needed far beyond what you believe yourself to capable of. Keep moving my friends.
Keeps seeking the joys of the moment.
Keep seeking Jesus and his people.
Keep living life like you are loved.
