Impostor syndrome: a
collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of
information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced
internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual
fraudulence.
I made the Deans list at school this semester, this is the 4th time out of 6 of my semesters at NJC I have done so.
I take an average of 20.6 credits a semester.
I am involved in multiple clubs on campus.
I have received multiple scholarships.
I am considered a student leader on campus.
I will be graduating this May.
And to top this all off I was just accepted into Metropolitan State University of Denver(Go Roadrunners!) in the fall.
I totally am still in shock. I have no idea how any of this is happening or how I am doing any of it.
I posted the news of my acceptance and over 200 people liked the status....!???
While I am well aware that a like is just a like on Facebook and nothing more, I felt so loved.
Just the positivity of that over-whlemed me.
AND THEN!
I received a letter....
A letter from someone I don't talk to often enough....
She told me she knew I was stressing about school and my recital.
She knew I was forgetting everything I did this summer.
She knew I was forgetting to be myself.
She knew I was whining.
She knew I was making all this about me.
She knew.
She knew because I wrote that letter to myself at the end of the summer reminding myself that there is a big picture.
There is a plan.
She
reminded me that if I keep getting caught up in the stress of things I
can't do, the things I can, the things people think I can't do, or don't
think I can do.....
That I am going to be back where I started.
She reminded me where I came from and reminded me where I am going.
I am so grateful that God finds ways to talk to me when I am not listening.
I
am so grateful that even when I forget that there are people that love
me and (so overwhelmingly) believe in me.....that God ALWAYS finds ways
to remind me.
I am so grateful for his grace.
I forget, way too often, what I am called to.
I was called to this.
I was called to see the world in color.
I was called to sing all the time.
I was called to eat good healthy food.
I was called to get up early and work hard all day and go to bed late.
I was called to difficult theory homework.
I was called to diligent practice time...ALONE.
I was called to smiling at people.
I was called to loving people where they are.
I was called to random dance parties.
I was called to pointing people to Jesus.
I was called to greatness in the smallest of action.
If you think of me....pray for me.
I need help.
I am not going to make it to the end on my own.
I am prideful
I am selfish.
I often think I can get places by my own works.
I forget a lot.
Thank you for loving me so well.
Thank you for listening to my crazy ramblings.
Thank you for seeing the goodness in me that I cannot.
Thank you for believing in me when I cannot.
I am so lucky to know all of you.
Thank you for being apart of my story.
Thank you.
