Occasionally a Zombie.

World War Z.

Can we talk about Brad Pitt's pepper beard for a sec?

I know RIGHT!?!

If you haven't seen the movie it's about Zombies.

One of this nerd's favorite subjects.

One of my favorite lines from the movie captured my attention this time.

"Mother Nature is a serial killer. No one's better. Or more creative. Like all serial killers, she can't help the urge to want to get caught. What good are all those brilliant crimes if no one takes the credit? So she leaves crumbs. Now the hard part, why you spend a decade in school, is seeing the crumbs. But the clue's there. Sometimes the thing you thought was the most brutal aspect of the virus, turns out to be the chink in its armor. And she loves disguising her weaknesses as strengths."

She loves disguising her weaknesses as strengths.

In the movie, they start injecting themselves with deadly pathogens like meningitis to camouflage themselves from the zombies.  

The Zombies virus was looking for a healthy host to manifest itself in.

They don't realize that the pathogens are the camouflage until the very end of course.

But the idea that what is our weakness is our greatest strength is beautiful to me.

No I understand that this picture they are trying to paint is probably very obvious but let's unwrap it a little.

In the world we are always asked to fix whats wrong with us.

We are asked to get rid of our flaws.

We are asked to change the things that make us weak.

The world tells you you are not worth anything with your weaknesses.

But Jesus tells us differently.

He uses our doubt to make our faith stand on solid ground.

He uses our pain to bring us joy.

He uses our weaknesses to change people's lives.

He uses our brokenness to heal the sick.

I tell you what is most interesting to me about Jesus, he could have came as very large very strong man, big enough avenge us all and save us from our enemies, and save us from evil.

But he came as a baby.

He taught us how to love prostitutes, and thieves, and lepers, and hypocrites, and tax collectors, and murders.

She loves disguising her weaknesses as strengths.

Because they are!!!

Your biggest weakness doesn't define who you are as a person!

Your biggest weakness is a small part of your story that is going to be used to change the world, or maybe a small part of the world, or maybe just you!

But he came as a baby.

He taught us how to love the people who hurt us and the people who hate us, and the people who don't deserve our love, and the people who are ignorant, and the people who don't know how to love people.

She loves disguising her weakness as her strengths!

Because they are!

Your biggest weakness can be turned into your biggest strength because he came as a baby.

Acknowledge your weakness.

Acknowledge that it is not your identity.

Acknowledge that you have some work to do.

Acknowledge that it will not change right away.

Move forward.

Don't stop.

Keep walking.

If you get of the path, don't let it trip you up. Turn around get back on the path and keep walking.

Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Don't makes excuses for yourself.

Keep walking.

Be a Zombie looking for a healthy host to rest in. hahaha =)

Occasionally a Spinster

With everyone my age getting married and having children.

I feel incomplete.

I feel as if I am doing something wrong.

I feel like everyone does....alone.

It's hard being alone.

And people in the world always tell you "encouraging things" like..

"You're not alone, you've got me."

"One day, the right person will come along."

And your heart goes.

"Yea but I don't want to make out with you."

and

"The Right person isn't going to come along. I'm going to be alone, watching all you fools get engaged and married, with my 3 cats and sugar free ice cream so I can pretend I eat healthy, for the rest of life."

And your relatives at family reunions ask "when you're next?"

and they all ask you one at a time so you have to repeat your sad excuses 15 times.

"I'm really trying to work on myself right now."

"I'm really trying to focus on God right now."

"I go to a junior college where the guys are 18 and 19 and I really don't feel like robbing the cradle."

And God tells you,

"My Love, be patient."

And you then you watch Castle and *SPOILER ALERT*






they FINALLY get married!

And you ask yourself why are you so in love with their relationship??

It's not even real.

It is literally made up in some writer's imagination.

And you've read too many books where the heroine falls in love.

And the hero swoops in.

Or in the hunger games case, she swoops in to the rescue.

And you start realizing all your expectations of what love looks like is fake.

It's based off of how many people you know who have had relationships that ended in divorce.

It's based of dystopian societies.

And hollywood fantasies.

It's based off of this haunting desire to not be alone.

And we keep telling ourselves that one day we'll be with someone and everything will be better.

We're lying to ourselves.

Please hear me out.

I am not saying that marriage can not be awesome and fulfilling.

But we're relying on other people in marriage.

And if there is one thing I have learned in my 25 years, it's that people let you down.

Especially the ones closest to you.

That's what I am craving?

I'm craving to be in a relationship with someone who is going to let me down?

I am craving a relationship with a person I am probably going to fight with more than anyone?

Yes.

I am.

And so is the rest of the world.

We want to be fought for.

We want to be heard

 and understood.

and loved.

and appreciated.

and wanted.

and know we are thought of by someone everyday.

So what do we do while we wait?

How do we keep hope?

How do we live in the moment?

How do we stop viewing marriage as an arrival?

How do stop viewing it as an end goal?

Because I don't want the fact that I am married or single be my identity.

Sure, it's part of it. My perspective on life/this subject will be different in 10 year if/when I am married.

But I don't want my identity, my drive, my everything, to be about when I am going to be married.

I want to live. and thrive.

And go on adventures.

Learn how to fix things by myself.

Learn how to be the best me I can be.

And I don't want these goals to stop when I am married.

I want my identity to continue to be one that wants adventure, and to learn to fix things.

I want to learn to be the best me I can be when I am married too.

I like to think that I am on a hike.

And marriage is just when someone step in front of you on the path and says "hey! Lets do this together!"

Do you move to a different path?

Do you stay on the same path you were originally on?

I think that's a choice you make when you cross that bridge.

So here I am, hanging out with my dogs.

Blogging.

Making muffins.

Watching Castle.

Waiting for someone to cross my path.

This part of life is very interesting.

It's weird, messy and awkward.

At times I feel like an old maid when I see all these 18 year olds getting married.

And at times I feel like a child when I see all the 22 years olds graduating from college.

I like who I am some days.

And Hate who I am other days.

Somedays I am honest.

Most days I am full of crap.

But today,

I am patient.

Today, I am living the dream.

Today I am focused.

Today I am productive.

Today I messed up.

Today I made great choices.

Today I was a sinner.

Today I was a saint.

Today I was angry.

Today I was joyous.

Today I was an old maid.

Today I was a child.

Today was an occasion and I only half rose to it.

But Tomorrow is a new occasion.

Thank the Lord.

I just want to live life fully in the moment, excited for the future, focused on the now, and forgiving the past.