Occasionally a failure.

I feel like every post I post is about how much my life sucks.

But I also feel like people don't want to hear how awesome my life is either.

So I'm in a weird place. It's whatever.

Today, was not a good singing day.

Today, was not a good math day.

Today was not a good Music theory day.

Today was not a good day.

I am up to my limits in homework.

In appointments.

In the amount of practice hours I have ahead of me,

(that I am putting off by complaining about it)

I am tired.

I want to cry.

I want to give up.

I mean there is some doubt creeping up in the back of mind on whether I can do this all or not.

I mean I'm already failing math, and it's only the beginning of the semester.

I wish I could say, it's all okay.

Don't worry Kayla.

But damn it!

I need to do something.

I feel like a failure already.

And I haven't even put forth an efficient amount of effort in order to feel this way.

I need to get my act together.

I need to stop acting like a child.

I am learning all new skills.

It is okay to not be good at everything.

I'm supposed to not be good at these things.

I am supposed to suck at music theory.

I've never done it before!!

Today I am a failure.

Today, I am learning.

Today I am going to suck it up and put the effort in.

Today, I will not let little things like my math computer program not working make me get angry.

Today, I will learn what it means to work hard.

Today, I'm just going to try.

Today, I will not be a failure.

Occasionally bad.

I just felt you all needed to know, that I found some emotion tonight.

We talked bout our views on the world.

And we talked about good and bad.

I said, I believe there is no such thing as a good person, just people who have a choice.

Good?

Or bad?

Now my friend says everyone is always going to choose bad, because it's easier.

And he is right.

It is easier.

But I told him, I know way too many people who prove to me everyday that our human nature is capable of goodness.

But I also know that those same people make bad decisions everyday.

So, what's the point?

What is the point, of choosing good if we are just going to continue choosing bad?

I don't have a solid answer for you.

At least not one that makes sense to the world.

But I do know this...

We are who we are.

Good or bad choices of our past, they do not define us.

What does define us, is the way we live in the present.

Are we making the most of our circumstance?

Are we making other people feel empowered or enslaved?

Are you stopping to smell the roses?

Are you creating life instead of consuming it?

Whether you believe we are inherently good or inherently bad...

...whether you believe everything happens for a reason, or that life is just chaos...

...whether you believe in a night out partying, or a night in with Disney movies...(yea, I'm looking at you Phil!)

...whether you believe in a Devine presence or not...we have a responsibility in this life to seize the day.

Occasionally dry.

Life has been so dry for me.

I haven't been able to write.

I think of things that are awesome, and start to write about them and then they suck.

I go searching for things that bring passion and emotion into my life.

Long drives.

Worship music.

Prayer.

Deep conversation.

School.

But to be honest.

I'm not in love.

And I feel like that is part of my being, being a loving person.

I LOVE everything.

I love Jesus.

I love people.

I love music.

I love TV.

I love LOTS OF THINGS.

And I'm not saying that I don't love those things.

Because I love Jesus and I love people, etc.

And I do, but if I am totally 100% honest with everyone.

I'm not IN love with anything.

You know when someone say's, "I love you, but I don't have to like you."?

That's how I feel.

And there's not some big event that happened that made me angry.

There's no reason.

Except maybe that I've stopped.

I've stopped pursuing the things that I love.

I feel like I have thrown myself in to the monotonous grind that is life.

I have thrown myself into my studies, which shouldn't be bad right?

I want to do well in school! I want to be a more motivated, structured, and successful individual.

Is that bad?

I guess it is if you can't balance the other things in your life.

Jesus is supposed to be first.

Jesus is supposed to be involved in all parts of your life.

Why does that sound so corny????



 Yea.




The Wise man built his house on the rock, and the rain came tumbling down, the rains came down and the floods came up.

And the house on the rock stood firm.


Everything else is just weather.