Occasionally We Move.

So I'm house sitting for my friend while she is in Africa. 

And she lives in the middle of nowhere. 

And I've been in the worst of places these last couple of days because I've been seeking fulfillment from everything except Jesus for the past 6 months, and it finally caught up with me. 

And when you live by yourself in the middle of no where you're forced to look at your self in the mirror and no one is around to hold you accountable. 

And it's awful. 

But I'm driving home tonight and I'm screaming at God, and I'm sobbing. 

"Is this my life? Is it just going to constantly be a fight!? WHY!? If you loved me! This in not how it would be!!!" 

And I stop screaming.

 And I'm silent.

 And he say's 

"what does it look like to move? How do we move Kayla?" 

And instantly the Hokey-pokey is in my brain. 

I hate the Hokey-pokey.

 I can't believe they play it at weddings still!

 But I thought, 

"that's what it all about." Sometimes fighting isn't just scraping.

 Although, in my life, it feels like it is.

Especially when I am the way I am and I shoot myself in the foot and have to constantly be reminded that my actions to not dictate how the creator feels about me.

 I hate the hokey-pokey.

I have since I was a kid.

I hate bing told how to dance.

But what is life if we don't have to do things we hate.

That saying, if it was easy everyone would could do it, really fits here.

Life isn't easy, and a lot of people haven't made it.

But it's worth doing the Hokey-Pokey, to live a life that is purposeful, meaningful, honest, and brings life to your own soul and the souls of those around you.

I am dying for life to be simple.

But it isn't.

Because I mess up.

A lot.

And I get so angry with myself.

And I ask myself questions,

"How could anyone love you?"

"How can you live with your self?"

"Why don't you just get over it?"

But that's why there is grace.

And new days.

And you start moving.

And you start doing things differently.

And you start changing the way you talk to yourself.

And you move.

And you then you let yourself down again.

And then you move.

How do we move? What does it look like to move?

Then right in front of me, this giant meteor streams from the sky, plummets toward the earth, and disappears past the horizon. It was so big I could see the black, red, orange and yellow colors.

And God say's,

"This is how we move Kayla."