Tonight when I got off the train a man followed me.
I noticed him, told myself the usual "don't make assumptions" pep talk, and continued, as he continued to follow me.
I had walked two blocks when he started "Pssst" ing me.
He tried to get my attention for an entire block this way.
3 blocks.
He started walking faster, getting closer....
"Give him the benefit of the doubt maybe he is not talking to you."
"HEY! HEY!"
I'm almost jogging.
I cut across a parking lot toward the nearest store.
He is all but outright chasing me at this point.
I duck into the Dollar Store where there are a lot of people, I whip around as he enters the door, I tear the sunglasses off my face, square up and plant myself into the ground as he walks in not 7 feet behind me, he catches my eye, quickly avoids eye contact and ducks into an aisle.
I run out of the store, and all but sprint the last 2 blocks to the church, continuing to watch behind me making sure he's not following.
I see no sign of him any where.
I finally get to church and all I can think, is "What the hell Kayla!? You have straight punched a guy for grabbing your butt once!!!"
I froze. I felt guilty.
I didn't call the police because I am still unsure if I am crazy or not, or if it's real or if I am exaggerating my circumstances.
A strange man followed me, yelling, for almost 5 blocks, into a store, on foot, 10 feet behind me and I am the one feeling guilty.
I didn't pull out my pepper spray because I felt bad.
I'm just angry now.
I'm overweight, and this does not warrant a ton of sexual advances, but it happens. Kind-of often.
It's always a comment on how large I am, or how pretty I am.
I'm a larger person, so I don't have nearly as many of these encounters, because I think I hold my self pretty confidently and I look like I can pack a punch, but my friend Addy(who is all but 100 pounds and attractive) told me tonight she has been followed a total of 5 times!!
5 TIMES!!!
All I could think when the moment was over, is how so many people are going to be furious with this man, after they find out on Facebook what he did to me.
And then I caught myself.
It's stupid easy to be furious at this strange man that followed me.
He is a stranger.
Probably on drugs.
He's what the world considers to be "trash"
He emotionally harmed someone who was not asking for it, who is well loved and honest.
It's super easy to condemn him.
Yet, here we are, voting and supporting white collar males into office who are supposed to be leading, caring, and creating peace and imposing justice on our society.
Some of these men have all but chased women into Dollar Stores, some have done far greater deeds.
Yet we don't condemn them.
I'm just angry.
I'm angry that I'm "lucky" because of my weight, to not receive unwanted attention from men.
I'm angry, that my dear friends, have to defend themselves in these terrifying moments, when we the church should be defending them, NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES THEY ARE WEARING.
I'm angry because we are called to be the light of the world, yet I feel like I am drowning in darkness.
I'm angry because there are STILL people, who make jokes, and say things like "What was she wearing?" or "she deserved it." or "she should have been paying more attention" or my personal favorite "She should carry a gun"
This is the season of Advent.
It is the season where we prepare ourselves for the arrival of Jesus.
Where we remind ourselves and our communities and mostly each other, that the old is gone and the new is here.
That there is hope.
That it doesn't have to be like this.
Because Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
We remind each other. That we are light.
That we are the living breathing presence of Jesus in this world, where women are still called liars and sluts when they try to be honest about their stories.
I'm so lucky that society doesn't view me as desirable.
Can you imagine, if my body was good enough to sexualize?!
Can you imagine if someone decided that my body was good enough for it to become their decision?!
The world doesn't have to be this way!
We get to step in and say no more.
We get to help decide what this world looks like.
I'm sorry this is messy and there is no easy way to end this.
I'm sorry the world is broken.
I'm so sorry, that so many people face this.
I am so sorry that the world is getting darker and darker.
I promise to do my best to believe in you.
I promise to do everything in my power to support and hear you.
I promise to see you.
I promise that there is light.
My life is proof that Jesus redeems all things.
You are light, you are a reminder of light to this world.
You are a reminder that not even death can drown out the light.
To my dear dear friends who are loving, kind, and caring men,
You have to help.
You have to help by resisting the societal pressure to make every woman sexualized.
You have to help, by speaking up.
You have to help by believing.
You have to help by being the light too.
You have to help by not seeing women as softer, more delicate, sexual beings for you to conquer, protect and save.
You have to help by building us stages to tell our story.
You have to help by not telling us how you can or are able to help!
You have to help by learning to be okay with being in the back seat, we're not here to over throw you, we're here to be heard. A lot of us are, and we need your microphones.
You have to help by giving us your hand.
You have to help by listening.
You have to help by telling your stories too.
So hear this, let it ring from the insane, beautiful, treacherous mountain top that is your life!
Ephesians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love
5 he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—
6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace
8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding
May you experience heavens perfect peace, may you experience heavens perfect breath, and may we
live our lives bringing perfect heaven colliding into this broken world.
And may this season of Advent remind you to continue moving forward even in darkness.
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