It's about a town in Maine, called Almost.
Whoa.
Mind. Blown.
Just jokes.
It's about all the people who live in this small town, and how they are all connected by their various types of relationships.
So I am in this one scene, where I play a woman named Marci, and she has a husband and 2 kids and in one of her monologues she tells her husband...
"...what I don't understand is why I am lonely, I got a husband and a couple of great kids, and I am lonely."
I guess I really just connect with this line.
I mean, we all can connect to the idea of being surrounded by people and STILL being lonely.
How does this happen????
I mean I am in college!
I have a great roommate.
I am meeting new people every single day.
I have friends who LOVE to get coffee and chat one on one with me.
But I am STILL lonely.
I think married couples truly understand this more than most people.
The person that you married is supposed to complete you.
They are supposed to make you feel loved and whole.
And they don't.
Friends are supposed to be around and love you.
Friends are supposed to be there for you.
And they don't.
Family is supposed to be the place where you fall and they catch you.
And they can't.
What happens to those of us who aren't married, whose friend's don't understand, whose family just can't be there?
Do not mistake me. I believe a lot of these problems with other people are really just problems that start in your own heart and work out wards towards other people.
People are not always going to be there for me. And that's not a bad thing.
People are not always going to make me whole.
And if I'm trying to let someone else make me whole, then I am going to wind up empty.
Because we are humans.
Because we make mistakes.
Because we are selfish.
If I am seeking wholeness and life from someone here on the planet.
I might feel loved for a moment.
I might feel loved for a day.
I might go through a whole season of life feeling loved and full of blessing.
But at some point, Person X, is going to let me down.
Because I have an expectation of them they can not always live up to, and that's okay.
We shouldn't HAVE to live up to anyone expectations. Not our own or others.
So I am learning to be.
I am learning to exist.
I am evolving into someone who stands on firm ground,
whose self worth and life is not based on the kindness and love of others.
I'll never forget, after being married for a year or so, telling someone that, "I can't believe that I feel lonely?" Even after kids, I felt lonely, more so after they both were in school all day! :) And, even being married~ I still have 'friends who don't understand and family that just can't be there.' Not sure, why this seems to be universal. I think, I am learning and have learned that it's going to exist~ so I find things that, ease?, that for me~ like having the TV on~ even if I'm not watching it. Turning all the lights on... I know, weird. Practicing different things~ piano, singing, reading my Bible, memorizing things, occasionally going out. I'm not sure loneliness, for me, stems from a lack of self worth though~ I think that can be in some cases. I think when I don't feel understood or a lack of kindness and love from others, leads to anxiety. Loneliness, in my opinion, doesn't have to be bad. My thought :) maybe it could be an opportunity, to embrace it as a time, of getting to know yourself and find the things that bring joy, happiness and life (or light, in my case) into that lonely space~ which, really is, and can be special. STILL Lonely, but... okay with it... :) Audra
ReplyDeleteI love this! Thanks Audra!!! And Thanks for reading!!!
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