Occasionally The Avatar.

When I think about the way my life has turned out, part of me grimaces.

The other part of me dawns a sly grin when I think of all the close scrapes I’ve come through.

And then there is a whole other part of me that thinks, “I might be one of the coolest people I know.”

These are 2 stories of how I rose to the occasion this year.

In 2006 I attempted this obstacle ropes course 40 feet in the air.

C.O.P.E.

Challenging Outdoor Personal Experience.

Challenging is the word I would use.

But it seems an understatement.

It is terrifying.

I lost my cool almost immediately. 

Sobbing is also an understatement.

My friend had to come rescue me. They had to cut me out of the harness cause I couldn’t move.

It sucked. I don’t remember what it was that came over me that made me freak out cause it was like 8 years ago.

But I told myself, and everyone else, I was NEVER getting back up there again.

I also told everyone and myself I wasn’t going back to school after I graduated from High school.  I graduated with a 2.4 GPA and received a 17 on the ACT. Yikes.

I thought school was silly.

I thought getting a paper that said you had education was bologna.

Regardless, Here I am, finishing my first year of College.

Associates in Music; Vocal Performance.

Which means I take over 18 credit hours a semester. (I am currently enrolled for 22 credit hours in the upcoming fall semester.)

I finished this past spring semester with a cumulative GPA of 3.79.

And Just after I spent all summer depressed, and angry with my weight, and scared I was not going to finish anything. I climbed up on the COPE course and finished it.

Like a freaking boss.

I worked all summer at a Boy Scout camp, teaching Kayaking and Canoeing, the whole time telling myself I wasn’t going to make it.

And I did.

See?! Life happens.

It gets hard.

And so many obstacles hit and all I want to do is cry.

So many of the choices I make, suck, maybe 40% of them are good choices.

This is an example of the battle going on inside me.

Have you seen Avatar; the Last Air bender?

There are two main characters in the story.

 Avatar Aang, and Prince Zuko.

Aang is the cute little kid who is happy go lucky, but also struck with large amounts of fear. He makes all of his choices based on the goodness in him, but sometimes can’t help overcoming the fear of his worth. I mean he has to fight the Fire Lord. Who is the badest guy around.  But he still always makes the right decision in the end.

Now Zuko, he starts out hunting the Avatar. He was banished by his father, the Fire Lord, and is seeking out Aang to regain his honor.   He continually fights a war inside of himself. The Good side of him, eventually wins. But he struggles the whole time.

I guess the reason I tell you all this, is because I feel like I am both the Avatar and Prince Zuko.

I feel like I am always afraid of the greatness inside of me.

I also feel like there is a constant fight between good and evil going on inside of me.

So right now, in this moment, I have a fear of being successful.

The fight inside of me is about being lazy, or being an adult.

Making good choices, or watching too much Avatar.

I’m tired.

I have every reason to be frustrated.

I have every reason to be angry.

I mean life has not turned out the way I want it too.

But that’s a childish way to look at it I guess.

But when you think of the pile of crap I’ve had to deal with in my life it is easy to see life through dingy glasses.

And I go through phases of anger and self hatred.

But there are those small windows of moments after I received the e-mail telling me what my GPA was.

And the moment I hit the ground from repelling the 40 feet in the trees.

Those small moments of victory.

Over coming a fear.  

Making a small good decision when I could have easily made a bad decision.

When I could have just not made a decision at all.

I’m sitting at my mom’s house on the floor, cause I have no bed, I have absolutely no money. And will be couch surfing till school starts next month.

But man,

I enjoy life.

A lot.

I know all the best people.

I eat all the best food.

I go all the best places.

And experience all the greatest things.

I am sitting here with a glass of water.

Watching Friends.

It’s hot.

And life is oh so sweet.

Even though it has the greatest possibility to fall apart.

Yay for doing things I didn’t think I could do!

Yay for new days, so you can make new decisions!

Yay for the promise of change, so things that suck never have to stay the same, and things that rock can be amazing memories, to remind you of who you are!

Yay for life