Occasional self loathing

I hate being in Limbo.

It's 3 weeks between camp and school. 

Don't get me wrong! I love seeing people and being able to have some sense of freedom. 

But when I'm in limbo, I make bad choices, I eat the worst food, I stay up till 4 in the morning and don't wake up till 3 in the afternoon. 

I don't have any sort of rhythm. 

I have no sense of good habits. 

I have no goals, except to make it to the 22nd when I can finally move into my dorm. 

It's as if I can't hold myself accountable. 

I'm not motivated unless I have a schedule.

I feel yucky all the time. 

I get into these weird "everyone hates me" and "I hate myself" moods.

I drink too much and make choices that don't better me but cut me down.

I'm grumpy. And maybe part of that is because my mom and siblings moved, but also, because I simply have no drive. 

It's not going to get better with school unless I change the routine now.

If I don't change it now, it'll seep into my school work. 

So how do I change my attitude when I really don't have anything to do?

This is a rhetorical question. 

This is something I have to ponder.

I really just wanted to put this out there so people know they're not alone. 

I really only blog about my problems, not to complain, but so people know that other people struggle too. 

I think one our biggest problems as a society is we feel alone, because everyone posts the awesome parts of life, and not the real life parts. 

This is real life. 

Sometimes you hate yourself.