Occasional Death.

The trouble with having friends is that you tend to feel all the things they do.

You hurt when they hurt.

Cry when they cry.

Love when they love.

And sometimes you don't know how to handle your own feelings and theirs at the same time.

People keep asking me if I am okay....

...How do I answer that?

I knew her.

She let me borrow a pencil once.

I always saw her at church.

Her Boyfriend and I yell at each other lovingly, telling each other to "Use your inside voice!"

I know who she hangs out with and where she works.

I know where she is from and what kind of person she was. 

And I'm very sad to see her leave.

But the reality is I'm not sad because I lost a friend.

I'm sad because my friends lost their friend.

My heart is broken because my friends are blaming themselves. And it's killing me on the inside.

My heart is broken because Her friends loved her, and now, they don't know how to continue moving forward and they all feel like they could have done something to stop her.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm good. My friends are not."

There have been so many conversations about death and it's harsh reality in the last 24 hours.

We are each confronted with it, in our own lives and then a multitude of times in other peoples lives.

We can not escape it.

So how do you tell someone, who's girlfriend is now gone, that it's part of life?

How do you help each other move forward and continue on with life?

We all have our own choices to make.

We all have our own demons and pain and hurts.

And we all face things that seem impossible.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of praying for people.

I am tired of crying for people.

I am tired of having to go through finals week with this heavy on my friends hearts and my own.

I am tired of death.

My dearest Friends.  Do not live life alone. Do not forget people love you. Please remember even when your friends are mad at you, they still love you.  

Do not forget that even in the most dark of nights, we always have the morning to look forward to and remind us that light exists, even when we can't see it. 

I am praying for peace for her family and her friends. Never ending peace. And constant reminders that there is peace even in the midst of this.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to ask me to listen.