Occasionally I give up.

It's the week before finals and no one was sleeping....at all.

There is so much to do.

There is so many things that I am just not going to get done.

There are so many things I feel like crying about.

But I am currently listening to Bobby McFerrin. (You know! The Don't Worry be Happy guy? Yea, he conducts Symphonies and composes all these amazing pieces of music now. I know right!?)

In one video he has the audience singing the 5 note melody over and over and over and over again.

And he is doing this amazing vocal percussion over the top of it.

And it's amazing. 

He spent 6 years developing his musical ability.

The first 2 years, were used in an attempt to not listen to any other musician besides himself, so he wouldn't sound like anyone else.

He then spent the next 4 years, becoming an all around bad ass.

I watched one of his conducting videos, and as a solo violinist goes up for a solo Bobby just sits backs, folds his hands, and listens.

He kind of smiles, but it's not the kind of smile you think of

...it's a smile of pure contentment.

It's a small corner of you mouth kind of smile.

The kind that say's I'm in love.

The kind of smile you take after you've been out in the sun all day and you take the biggest gulp of ice water you are capable of and you don't even realize you're smiling.

I get so caught up in this trap that is all the things I have to do, but I forget to breathe.

I forget to enjoy.

I forget to relish.

I forget to soak in it.

I forget I live here.

I forget to live in the moment.

I forget where I've been and where I am now.

I forget that I'm not going to remember this week specifically in 5 years, and this is just another week I have to get through.

It isn't the end of the world.

It isn't the end of my school career.

It isn't the week that will define my entire life for the rest of my life.

I'm probably not going to do well on somethings tomorrow, or the next day.

And that's okay.

I don't have to beat myself up about it.

I can just breathe, and think, "how lucky am I!?"

I get to be here right now, with all these phenomenal people, learning all these really great things.

I get so flustered and emotional, and I react first and think later.

When the reality is I am just freaking myself out.

Someone one once told me I complain too much.

They are so right.

I start complaining and getting all worked up for literally no reason.

It's hard to remember I don't have to freak out.

It's hard to remember that I love what I do.

I'm sure Bobby McFerrin got pissed all the time too.

I'm sure he got frustrated with himself.

I'm sure every single great artist I've ever heard of has been far more angry and flustered and upset than I have been.

The only difference between them and I, is that I give up way too fast.

It's so much easier to do that.

I don't know how to fix this dumb problem.

I guess I'm trying to apologize to myself for not giving me a chance.

I tell everyone else how to fix their lives.

But I freak out at my own life.

I know all the answers, but I can't make them fix my own life.

So, here's to finals week, here's to the huge possibility and reality that I am going to fail a couple things.

Here's to not giving up.

Here's to being the person, that fails and tries again.

Here's to making big mistakes, and moving on. 

Here's the the 1 yes after a million no's.

Here's to me, forgiving myself.