Identity Crisis, Occasionally.

I am not defined by what I can or can not do.

I am not broken.

I am not an idiot.

I am not ugly.

I have no need to be ashamed of who I am.

I am not lazy.

I do not fall short.

I am capable of change.

I am blessed.

I do not need more money than I already have.

I do not need new clothes.

I do not need more gasoline than I already have.

I am walking on a path that I can not see ahead of, and that is great.

I do not have to go back to old habits and processing.

I am not alone.

I can keep walking.

I can keep fighting.

I do not need to defend my faith.

My faith defends me. 

I am filled with truth, grace and love.

I am full of peace.

The stress of this world has no bond on me.

I am whole, not by anything I can do, or how anyone can love me, but because I am full of the Holy Spirt.

I sound like a robot.

All of these things are true. Truer than true.

So why can't I feel them.

My heart cried out today...

"God, remind me who I am!"

And instead of paying attention, I let the struggles of the day consume who I was and how I felt about myself.

I let other people take control of how I felt about myself.

He tried to show me who I was, probably close to a thousand times.

And I ignored every single moment.

He screamed my name in every space I took up, and I just sat there in my own self pity, and heart break.

It's amazing how many times I have to be reminded what it looks like to have a conversation with the God of the universe.

I forget how completely tangible he is. 

Part of this habit is my own self deprecating tendencies.

I can't do someone, so I verbally abuse myself.

I can't hear what the Spirit is saying, so obviously I am an idiot.

I can't sing a song perfectly, so obviously I am not talented.

Do you see what I mean??? 

I want to say I believe all those things that are actually my identity, and maybe I will have to say them to myself till I believe them, but I don't believe them now.

It's because I am seeking my identity in place that I fail, in places where other people fail, in places that break apart.

I will never get where I want to go with this mentality.

So here I am, being honest about it.

That's the first step right?

Admitting you're an alcoholic?