Occasionally my own road block.

This spring break was an interesting one.

Saw my mom and sister in North Carolina! So Fun!

Road tripped to Nashville!

So awesome!

I had an interesting experience in Nashville.

I visited Belmont University, where I had a preview Voice lesson.

It was interesting.

A lot of things were said, but to sum up, he basically told me that it was one thing to admire musicians it was a whole other thing to have talent.

I was livid.

I was so angry.

I kept thinking in my head, am I really that bad?

I must be kidding myself.

Why would he say something like that he does know me!

I mean I was angry.

I kept thinking "why?"

"Why, am I so angry at him?? He doesn't know me! He barely heard me sing!"

I don't know, something just clicked.

I'm angry because he made me realize he was kind of right.

Let me be clear....I do have the talent.

I have confidence in the sound of my voice.

I have a lot to work on as far as consistency, practice habits, vocal placement, and theory.

I don't have the drive to work on that everyday for the rest of my life.

This fact broke my heart.

I love singing.

I guess not enough.

I'm so glad that guy was an A-hole and said something honest.

Not that my teachers aren't honest, their job job is to encourage, not discourage.

I get really wrapped up in the things I can't do, and I don't let people be honest with me.

I build up this nice big wall and don't let people tell me how they feel.

I don't let people feel accepted just the way they are, I have these giant expectations of myself that are rediculous and I expect everyone to follow suit.

Or when I know someone is capable of more I get so angry at them, because they aren't acting like they are capable of more.

I have this deep rooted desire for things to be awesome.

I don't even know what awesome looks like to be completely honest.

I am struggling even to put my feelings into words at this point.

I have this giant abstract idea of what I want to be but have no idea how to get there.

I'm sitting in my room, and honestly, the thought of the future is terrifying.

I've been unbelievably depressed for 3 days now.

And I can't tell you exactly why.

I've had such a great week! I got a job that I am beyond excited for!

I have a smidge more direction now then I did before this week, by process of elimination.

I think as a society we over look the value of honesty.

We want everyone to tell us how awesome we are.

We don't want people to tell us how much we have to improve.

And when I say we I mean ME.

I love people who are bold enough to be honest with me.

When I am honest with someone, it means I care, cause if I didn't care about you, I wouldn't tell you how I feel. It's why I like people who tell me the truth. 

People who care, tell the truth.


I think I am tired because I am tired of trying.

Trying to be someone that is awesome.

And I don't even know what that looks like.

Is that it?

I have some preconceived idea and huge expectation of what life is supposed to look like...?

I just want to learn and grow and empower people, and sing and dance and make people laugh.

I want to show people that life doesn't have to be boring....

Yet...Laziness gets in my way.

Anger gets in my way.

My expectations get in my way.

I get in my way.